what is normal when you can’t keep these new invading thoughts out of your head? what is normal when both (all) of you know that something (it had to be the tipping point, didn’t it?) essential, un-liberating has changed? stop throwing yourself at me, i just want to be alone. but please, what’s the secret of falling for someone like that? i can’t even imagine. i’m always over, over, over it. this, though. i am not over it. i will never be over it. you tipped past the tipping point, past the certain degree where it becomes far too weird and too hot and nothing works like it used to anymore. friends forever, i said? don’t make that a lie.
there is no ‘let’s just…’. you seem to have the idea that life is just easy that way. life is not easy. it is not a movie. you don’t just wake up one morning and decide you love someone. i mean, maybe you do, but you can’t just expect them to love you right back. is that how it’s been for you so far? easy? someone’s always been waiting for you, haven’t they? no one’s been waiting for me, you know. but before you start jumping up and down yelling ‘me, i have!’, remember that this isn’t a movie. we don’t live in a love song, and i am not looking. people always say that guys and girls can’t be friends without one of them falling for the other, eventually, and i never really took that thought seriously. but god, the older i get the closer i come to admitting it might just be right. it’s a fucking shame. there’s a pit in my stomach when i think of you now. this is not a movie, and we are not a love song. this is a heart thought broken and a heart thought not, and you are not in love with me.
don’t tell me what it’s like to be happy. being comfortable in your own skin is always easier said than done but i think maybe it’s only as hard as you make it. stop thinking so much. they say it’s dangerous to be a hurricane but i’d rather brave the storm than stand around trying to widen my eyes, trying to see things that aren’t there. stop waiting - things don’t always come to those who wait, they wait for those who make things happen. and things can turn stormy in seconds but one minute you’re running through the rain and next you’re hearing ‘now kiss me’ and then you’re running away just to hold that sentence to yourself, warm, for the rest of your life. it’s not about being alone, it’s about not looking for love because you’ve already got so much of it for everything else. being happy isn’t always about kissing someone to sleep every night. sometimes it’s about standing in the rain because every single water droplet in that rainbow is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. and sometimes it’s a drink raised on a dark rooftop and a kiss shared with a stranger.
is there a name for the feeling where you wake up happy, like you’ve finally got it together, only to realize it was all just a dream? is there a name for the feeling where everything seems like it’s all going to work out, only to fall apart, again?
is there a name for the feeling where you’re sad, but only when you’re alone?
what happens when things are supposed to happen, but don’t? i hate believing in fate but if it’s what convinces me there’s someone out there then i guess i’ll have to take it.
‘you’ll meet him,’ they say. ‘just put yourself out there,’ they say. well, i’m getting tired of being left behind…
‘he’ll come around when you least expect it,’ they say. well, how can i not keep an eye out? i’m so afraid i’ll miss it…
just let me love you. please.
listen - i get it. we’re on the same page here. i feel like you think i think differently, though. and i vice versa. look, i just want to know you as more than a name. i’m disappointed… i thought maybe we’d have gone somewhere. i’m sorry for expecting, hoping that we could have gone somewhere. i know maybe it was too much for you - it’s almost too much for me. i don’t know… i think i’m just afraid this may be my last chance. i know life doesn’t end after this but certain stories do and all i know is i don’t want to be one of those. please save me from myself, i just want your hand in mine. i swear i’ll try my hardest not to break you. i don’t know that i remember how to love but if you’d give me the chance i still think i could kiss you like the world was ending. don’t let this get away. listen, i think you’ve got it all - use it. for me.
i’m sorry i ran out on you at the bar on saturday. you weren’t the reason i was crying. i was crying because i suddenly remembered that’s how i always act when he does this. i mean, i think i had
one two too many shots of rum and i think maybe i should cut back on the number of beers per night but babe - you wouldn’t get it. when i got that email i couldn’t breath. i couldn’t blink. i think my heart actually stopped. anyway, look - i’m mostly really embarrassed that you saw me crying; i swear i’m not normally like that. i’m just… confused. maybe i am a little bit desperate, but fuck, who isn’t? don’t feel guilty, i wouldn’t mind kissing you. please don’t make me be alone - not for this.
sometimes i think i may have ben a little harsh on you, a little more rocky, a little less rosy than i should have been. but it’s because in these moments i forget all the small things that mattered so much at that moment, and i fall in love, again, with what i thought we had. we never did, you know.
seriously, who calls their girlfriend a bitch in front of everyone they know? and then gets mad at her afterwards, when she cries? who does that?
what kind of person do you think you are? you thought to be perfect, but everyone fails at that from the start.
you were the rock in my heart, but i lifted it, and i am free.
you know, when i’m lonely you’re the first person to come to mind. way before him - how bad is that? i thought i saw you at a concert the other night. when you walked by without talking, without looking, my heart stopped. a few people have asked me what i would have said, had it really been you. the truth is, i wouldn’t have said anything. i don’t know what else there is to say. i would have tapped you on the shoulder, then waited. waited for your shock, your discomfort, your fake laugh, fake smile, fake hug. waited for your shock, your discomfort, your walking away without a word. i’m sad. do you know that? not all the time, though. just when i think of you.
let’s play a game - come closer and kiss me. / i feel like you might be the one who really sets me free.
i know i’m thinking too far into this, like usual, but it’s hard to find someone really worth liking, and you made me laugh.
it’s been a while since i wrote one of these that wasn’t about him - don’t you think that says something?
give me a chance, i swear i’m only as crazy as you are. / maybe you’d be the one to jump in puddles with me?
i’m not asking for much but a smile. maybe hold my hand for a while, i could use the company.
where have my words gone? i am so lost without them. i am skating on dark ice and cracks appear too quickly behind me. i need you for the snow. i need you for the brilliance; don’t worry about the ice, i’ll swim instead. i’ve been here long enough. where have you been? there hasn’t been a snowfall yet, there’s still time for a bike ride.